Bewajah

Zindagi ki kashmakash mein 

Paraai khwaishon ki saazish mein 

Ae dil, bhool gaya tu jeena

*

Ranjishon ki parchaai mein

Wajah ke dastooron mein 

Ae dil bhool gaya main jeena 

*

Waqt ke ubharte paimaane mein 

Us saaki ke maikhaane mein 

Raftaar-bhari duniya se lad-jhagad kar 

Baadastur jaam peena tu tashreef toh la deta hai

*

Par teri pyaas se kai zyaada betaab toh yeh zamaana hai 

Jo tere peeche-peeche wajah ki hathkadiyon ko lekar

Tujhe pehnaane pohoch aata hai 

*

Ae dil, is kotwaal ka kya kiya jaaye?

Jiska naa toh koi chehra hai, naa hi koi awaaz

Jiska naa toh koi paighaam hai, naa hi koi alfaaz

*

Jab saaki ne teri bekhauf nazron ko gaur se dekha 

Toh unke kinaaron mein ek naadaniyat si jhalki 

Mat ro tu ae dil

Apne bisre hue meet se tu mil ae dil

*

Wajaah-naame-pinjre ka kaidi ek dafaa main bhi raha tha 

Par us mukaam se main tab guzra 

Jab hazaaron lamhe wajahi mein bitaa kar 

Mujhme se aakhir bewajaahi ki chaabi ubhar nilki

*

Is azaadi ki panah iklauti meri hi nahi 

Yeh woh kausar dariya hai

Jiski anjuman mein sirf hum jaise deewane milte hain 

Is sar-i-aam mefil mein 

Barson ki wajaahon ko chhor ae dil 

Is sar-i-aam mefil mein 

Purkon ke dasturon ko tod ae dil 

Agar in lehron mein tairna ho tujhe manzoor

Toh bewajah jeene se dil jor ae dil 

*

Agar wajah mein khuda milta 

Toh kya Sikandar is kadar safeene par safar karta? 

Agar wajah mein ishq milta

Toh kya Ranjhaa is kadar Heer ki khaatir marta?

*

Woh usi mitti ke aashiq hai jaise main aur tu

Tu apne karwaan par ek musaafir

Aur main tera rasta

Teri pehredaari se jo mujhe fursat mile 

Toh us kotwaal ko bewajaahi ka jaam pilaau 

Tujhse kai zyaada betaab toh yeh zamaana hai

Jo tujhe bewajaahi ki raah par chalte dekh kar

Tere peeche peeche

Khud bewajaah ban jaaye

*

Aakhir is wajah mein rakha kya hai? 

Rakha hota, toh kya tu hota? 

Rakha hota, toh kya hota yeh maikhaana,

kya main hota?

***

 

Translation 

In the dilemmas of life

In the conspiracies of alien desires 

Oh heart, you forgot how to live

*

In the shadows of anguish

In the customs of condition

Oh heart, I forgot how to live

*

In the overflowing cup of time

In the wine provider’s (lover’s) tavern

Having fought with this fast-paced world

You make an untimely arrival to get intoxicated

*

But far more impatient than your thirst are these times

That follow you with the handcuffs of condition 

And arrive to put them on you

*

What should be done of this guard

Who is bereft of a tangible face or voice

Who neither carries any message nor bears any words

*

When the wine-provider (lover) carefully saw your fearless eyes 

S/he saw an innocence spill out of their shores 

Don’t cry, oh heart

Meet your long-forgotten friend, oh heart

*

In the prison of condition, I too was once a prisoner

But I had passed that place/phase

After spending  thousands of moments bound in condition

When I finally found the key of unconditionality having surfaced from within me

*

This solace of freedom is not mine alone

It is an ocean of abundance 

The society of which comprises of crazy people like you and me 

In this open gathering 

Leave the reasons that you have held for so long, oh heart

In this open gathering 

Break away from all those ancestral customs, oh heart

If you’ve come to terms with having to swim in these waves

Then join your heart with living unconditionally, oh heart

*

If there was God in condition

Then would Sikandar voyage the way he did on his ship?

If there was love in condition 

Then would Ranjhaa die for Heer’s sake?

*

They (Sikandar and Ranjhaa) are lovers of the same soil such as you and me 

You are a traveller in your journey

And I, your path

If I get time to spare from being your protector

I’d make that guard drink the exhilir of unconditionality

But far more impatient than you are these times

Who, in watching you walk on the path of unconditionality

Follow you

To become unconditional themselves

*

For, what lies in condition?

If it did, would you exist?

If it did, what would be of this tavern, 

would I exist? 

***

 

Daastaan e Shiddat

Sunday, the 11th of December, 2016 | Kalari Rasayana, Kollam (Kerala)

Original verses

Jab ruh mein pichli guzaarishein naa rahi

Tab tum mile 

Jab usmein aisi khwaishein naa thi 

Tab tum mile 

Is kohre kaagaz par jab syaahi naa thi

Tabh tum mile 

Jin aankhon ko kabhi tabaahi naa dikhi 

Unhi ki nazron mein tum mile 

 
Mere dil ko is raftar dhadakna ab tak naseeb naa hua tha

Tabhi uski chaukhat pe tum aa pahuche 

Meri ruhaaniyat ke kotwal ne tumhara naam tak naa poocha 

Tumhari shaksiyat dekhte hi dargah ki raah par woh chal diya

Usko shaayar anjaan mein bana kar 

Bin dastak diye andar kadam tum rakh chuke

 

 
Mere jahaan ki saari muntazir roshniyaan e aftaab

Tumhaare aane par sajda kar gayi

Unhone tumhara noor ab tak dekha kahaan tha?

Aur mere daave par yakeen karna unki aadat nahi

Teri justajoo unke liye ab tak ek kaamil afsaana tha

Mera musalsal fanaah hona behintihaan tha 

Koi parwaanon ki ibaadat nahi 
Mere jasbaaton ke kaarwaa par

Tum samajhte ho khud ko ek aazad parinda 

Kaise tumhe main yakeen dilau, o Raahi e Jigar!

Ki jis mukaam par main itni shiddat se kayam hu

Usko aaj tak taqdeer mein aazmaaya hai 

Sirf kaaynaat ke chand diwano ne hai sahi

 

******

 

Translation 

It was when the soul was devoid of any prior requests

That it met you

It was when it had no such wishes

That it met you

It was when this blank piece of paper had no ink smeared on it

That it met you

These eyes that had never seen destruction

These very eyes saw you
Until now, this heart did not have the fortune of beating at this speed

Just then, you landed at its doorstep

The inn- keeper of my soul didn’t even bother to enquire your name

Seeing your persona he set himself on the road leading to the Dargah

Unknowingly you turned him into a poet

And you laid your steps in without knocking

 

All the awaiting energies of my world

Bowed at your arrival

Where had they seen your pristine beauty until now?

Besides, they are not used to believing in my claims

For them, my longing for you was a legend that had attained its completion
My constant destruction in your love was endless

Not merely the prayer sung by butterflies

 

In my emotional journey

You think of yourself an uncaged bird

How shall I make you believe, O the Traveler of My Heart!

That the point at which I stand holding my field with such intensity

That point has been tested correctly in the varied destinies

Destinies that belong only to a few of this world’s mad men frenzied by love.

 

Urvashi

2016

Wonderwall

A storm that stirs in my head makes my mind a chaotic place
There’s this peace about my rage that refuses to grant me solace

There are words that I struggle to make verbal and thoughts that I too often spare
And my heart is yet to be splashed on your canvas that lies bare

I remind myself to breathe when I’m often too lost to tell
Whether I am in this world or another, and the shuffling that they compel

I find myself looking at the night sky like a tarmac to chase cars
This gaze is a blurred window to a galaxy full of stars

A trail of stardust is left behind by you for me to chase
To ceaselessly decipher which way you went, to get one glance of your face

You pace along too fast for me to be able to find
In this standstill I wonder if you’re an illusion, just a figment of my mind?

I feel your presence in the air, in silence I hear you call
You’re between the illusionary and the real, you’re my wonderwall

Your splits let me glance into a world that corporeal senses yet await
Maybe what led me to you is really my twisted fate

You live through every racing heart beat through the seconds that I lie wide awake
I don’t know whether I’ll see you appear outside of me and how long that will take

All I know for now is that in the pacific hours that follow dimmed lights
It is none else but my wonderwall
who rests in my mental storm
while I drift through sleepless nights.

❤

Trying to beat Alexithymia

So as usual, I cleaned my kohl away before brushing my teeth and slipped into my pyjamas before getting into my sheets.

Just when I was turning the night lights out, I thought of what we spoke about.

I know we discuss things, anecdotes, jokes, ideas, philosophy, life and all those flings

But there are moments where you give away what makes you upset

and talking about some of it gets your eyes a little wet.

As much as I don’t show it, I do understand,

how it feels, I want to walk through it and hold your hand.

I want to tell you that it is okay, to be bothered about things that make you sad,

they occupy your head more on some days and often make you mad.

Like the ocean waves and roller coaster rides, there are lows to all highs,

and no matter how much you try it, I know it by just looking at your eyes.

I don’t know what the future holds in store for you or for me,

but I do know that some day it’ll all make sense, and you’ll be as happy as can be.

For the mean time, just believe that there’s so much ahead of you that you’re yet to know,

so much that hides itself from you but is yet to show.

There are people you’re yet to meet and places that you’re yet to see,

yourself to still discover and all the things that you have it in you to be.

Don’t let anyone bring you down or make you doubt yourself the slightest bit,

because anyone who does that is just a hater and obviously full of shit. (haha)

When you miss home or the people you’ve left behind,

know that you’re chasing your dreams and have a whole new world to find.

Who knows, you might just come across flying unicorns and the wisdom tree,

as goofy as you are, that’s the secret behind being legendary 😀

So don’t let anything stress you out or make you doubt your fate,

there’s a solution to everything, that’s why they made marshmallows and hot chocolate 😉

Look around you, there’s so much to smile about, live in the moment,

who knows what will happen tomorrow, or what the future will send?

Count your blessings, study for exams that will soon be over, make your travel list,

and so what if we just have a Pret wrap to subsist?

You’re awesome just the way you are and give me a bump with your fist,

for atleast we love, laugh and live, while most people just exist.